Tuesday, February 07, 2017

Memories that Haunt and Then Heal

Found this pic randomly on Keziah's phone camera roll. It's a cute one for sure. Kez and Noah dancing, Ez smiling in the background, she had it on there because she truly loves the relationship she has with her brother.
I asked each of them what they remembered about this day...
Kez remembers Noah reading her a book because they weren't in the ceremony because they couldn't sit still.
Ez doesn't remember much, he remembers the trip in general going to Nova Scotia but not this day.
Noah remembers it was uncle Garth's wedding, a happy day, not much else.
Here's what I remember....
It was the day of my brother in laws wedding, Conrad was in the wedding so he was busy with the wedding party all day. I was alone with the kids and getting them ready for this day, we were in Nova Scotia in a hotel room and they fought non stop, then they whined for me to go buy them toys which I had zero money to buy them, then they cried because they were tired and I LOST IT.... I freaked right out on them, I remember the moment so clearly and as soon as I did I thought...gosh I'm an awful mom...I cried, I felt horrible....why couldn't I keep it together, this was supposed to be a happy day. I thought for sure this moment would be imprinted forever in their young minds as "another moment mom lost it."
So when I saw this pic on Kez's phone and I remembered that moment and asked them their thoughts, you can imagine the relief I felt when all they saw and remembered was the joy they felt that day. This moment of Noah twirling Kez around and the big smile on her face.
Here's the thing mamas, we ALL make mistakes, we ALL have moments that we haven't been a shining example to our littles and we ALL have moments we wish we could do over.
Thank God littles have little memories, some of the biggest mistakes we make are when we they are little and we are exhausted, running on survival mode and feel like the days will never end.
I am here to encourage you that for the most part when they are in a home surrounded by love, they remember the good moments, they remember the moments you made them smile, laugh or when they felt nurtured and loved. The days may seem like they will never end, as they did for me with three kids so close together, but trust me when I say the years fly by and now I am hanging on to the precious years I have left with them in my home.
Treasure the moments, ask for forgiveness when you've failed, start when they are little, try your best to hang onto the moments you did good, the moments you extended love and grace because I can assure you there are many of those!!
So as this picture brings good, happy memories for each of my kids that is what I will hang onto.
I also know that wherever I lack, even when I do my best, when we trust in Him Jesus is faithful in making up the difference, after all He loves our children more than we ever could and knows them better than we ever will and knows just how to speak to their little hearts.
Hang in there tired and weary moms, the love you have for your kids will outshine the not so great moments!!!
Hugs friends and remember how incredibly loved you are here, today in this very moment!!!

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