I can still hear the words echoing in my head....words that I spoke during my morning prayer "Break my heart for what breaks yours.."..what I didn't realize how wide open my eyes would become and the mix of emotions that would follow.
I volunteer at an inner city Food bank program with my son, I have gone many times before and have enjoyed my time there, but this time it felt different and it was a feeling I couldn't shake.
As people were filing through the line picking up their food I began to notice....I noticed the bruises on women's faces, I noticed the broken smile and dirty clothes, I noticed the markings of abuse, I noticed the look of despair in hollow eyes and what I saw were 'his children' I actually saw each and every individual and as they passed me I heard these words in my heart "that is my daughter, that is my son, that is my child, I am so in love with her, I see the pain....."
My reaction to noticing and the words that echoed in my heart is what disturbed me the most.....
I just wanted the morning to be over, I was counting down the minutes so I could leave....so I could return to my middle class suburb, with my middle class home and enjoy my middle class family and leave the hurt behind.
I didn't want to see the pain or feel the love that God has for each and every one of them, I wanted to insulate my heart, not to feel he brokenness, better yet not feel anything, to do 'my part' and go home.
As I left that day the emotions still raging inside of me I began to realize that 'my part' isn't to show up and hand out food. 'My part' is to see, to see the hurt and the pain and to crack my heart wide open and have it break for 'what breaks his'.
To see each and every individual as someone who is wholly and completely loved by a God who wants to use me to reflect his love back to them. So that when they look in my face they don't see a face that is arrogant, or a face that feels sorry for them, but rather a face that reflects genuine love, love of a saviour who loves so unconditionally a saviour who wraps them with love and says 'I see you'.
The truth is the hurt is everywhere no culture, no class, no race is void of hurt and pain and he is asking us to 'see' not as the world sees and labels but as he sees, through eyes of love and compassion, vessels of love for his goodness.
I still have undone emotions inside of me that have yet to work their way out but one thing I know for sure, he hears and he answers prayer and if I didn't actually want my heart to break for what breaks his I maybe shouldn't have prayed that prayer in the first place.
He is good, He is faithful and He cares, I encourage you to take a moment to step outside of your insulated world and 'see' today you may not have to go far, you may see the people in your world as you have never seen them before.
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