The angry feeling rises and then it begins; kicking, stomping of the feet, gritting of the teeth, tears and sometimes yelling, all signs of a two year old temper tantrum. Now picture a 33 year old woman throwing a tantrum just like it. Seems ridiculous doesn’t it?!?! The sad thing is it is possible and it has happened.
Yes this happened to me, not to long ago either while dealing with one of my children. I had reached my limit and had enough and did not know how to ‘handle’ the situation any longer and I LOST it, completely freaked out and went into a tantrum and immediately after started heave sobbing and coming way to close to hyper ventilating. I could not and did not see a way out. It was a moment of complete loss of self-control. And yes unfortunately there were witnesses, two of my children stood by and watched this unfold.
As I lay there on my bed crying my eyes out, not knowing what to do next with this child of mine, feeling completely alone and hopeless with the weight of the world on my shoulders, yet inwardly begging for forgiveness for what I had done I heard that still, small voice, the conversation went like this.....
‘It is time, it is time to let go, for too long now you have been trying to parent on your own, for too long you have been doing this on your own strength.’
I just listened
‘I made your child, I know your child, do you trust me? I know the way he needs to be parented.’
“I am sorry God, so sorry.” I said through the sobs
‘Its okay my child, you are forgiven, go make it right with your children.’
“I will God, I will.”
‘Then every morning before you rise out of bed I want you to come to me, ask for my help, ask me how to parent your children and then be ready to listen and act on it.’
“Okay I will.”
For so long prior to this tantrum the heaviness weighed on my shoulders, pulling me down, not knowing how to parent this child,people getting on my case for being to hard on this child while seemingly not trying to understand. I was getting really close to giving up and in this moment of complete weakness which was meant for bad was turned around for the good only by the grace of God.
It made me humble myself so completely. I prayed with each child, I asked them each individually for forgiveness. Together we prayed and asked for a way to get through this, together we made things right again. Through it all God was so faithful to show me the individual way this had hurt each child so when I talked with them I could ask for forgiveness for the way it had hurt their little heart and this then opened up the conversation for ways to prevent this from happening in their own life. What they saw was a definite loss of self control and realized that their mom is flawed, but they also saw the redemptive power of Gods love and His forgiveness.
As soon as I asked for forgiveness the enemy did his best to fill me with condemnation and guilt and although it was tempting to linger on the guilt a while I knew in my heart what the word says about there being no condemnation in Christ Jesus and His forgiveness set me free from the guilt. I can move forward knowing that things have been made right between me and God and between me and my children.
After things calmed down God showed me that this is just one way depression so easily wraps people up. They are carrying a world of problems on their shoulders and along with the problems they carry guilt and condemnation. Each day that weight becomes heavier and heavier till they feel so weighed down they find it difficult to cope with even the little things. Instead of every minute, every hour and every day laying that burden at the foot of Jesus they are doing all the carrying, which they were never meant to do. I myself have travelled that lonely road of depression and I know that as children of the most high we are not meant and were never meant to walk that road.
So would you please join me today? Lay down that burden of being the perfect parent and doing it on your own strength. Lay down the guilt of having made mistakes. Now is the time to move forward with God at your side EVERY step of the way. He knows your child you are having difficulty with, he knows that spouse that confuses you, he knows your struggles, allow Him to give you the direction you need today and stop trying to do it all on your own.
Although I can recall that tantrum with great embarrassment I know that by being real with you today it will give some of you the freedom to know that you are not alone, there are more moms out there that make mistakes and although I am not justifying my actions ,because I am not, I am letting you know that you are normal!
The difference for you can be RUN to God before you ‘lose-it’ and He is MORE than able to help you out.
Matthew 11:28 Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest.
Romans 8:1 Therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
2Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
I would love to pray and believe with you for complete healing in the area of depression, if that is what you are facing today, please send me a message privately or post in the comment section and I will be praying for you.