Never Alone

Sometimes it is hard to understand, that we can never really be alone.  As someone who went through a season of depression in my early adult year and after my daughter was born I could have been in a room surrounded by people that loved me and yet somehow I still felt alone and that I didn't matter.

Depression is a tough thing, it is something that really can't be explained unless you have gone through it and it is also something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.  How anyone can be so lonely and feeling lost is horrendous.

Yet there is hope, I battled against it and won.  I woke up one morning fed up with feeling so blue and I determined with God that together we would walk through this to complete healing and freedom from depression.

It wasn't easy, I can't even pinpoint when exactly I was free because it was a process.  In the beginning it was minute by minute asking God to help me through, speaking scripture.  Then it became hour by hour, day by day and so on until I realized I no longer had those feelings of complete hopelessness.

One thing I know for sure is that depression is something that God did not design and He aches to see His children wrapped up in that bondage, because that is what it is.  Depression is thoughts turned inward, and we were never meant to focus only on ourselves.  Jesus' entire journey of life here on earth had an outward focus, it was helping others, reaching out to others, healing others, speaking words of wisdom and faith to others.

I believe that we can all be healed and free from depression by reaching out to our creator.  His love can set us free, His words can set us free.  There is a part we play though, we must be active participants in seeing this healing come to pass.  It takes effort to study the word of God, it takes effort to speak the word of God and it takes effort to believe that what we are studying and speaking will come to pass.  Yet I know without a shadow of doubt there can be freedom.

I know there will be people that read this and say its' just my cross to bear', 'i have clinical depression', 'you don't understand where I am coming from', 'I have lived with this for many years you don't understand'.........you are right I don't understand, but I know someone who does understand, I also know that God is no respecter of persons and what He did for me He can do for you no matter WHAT the circumstance.  I know that God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and if he healed yesterday he can heal today and he can heal tomorrow.

I don't have all the answers by any means I can only share my journey to healing and that it came by connecting to my Saviour for dear life and seeking His purpose for my life, speaking His words of healing and scripture over my life and then walking out that process.

Do I still get attacked today by random feelings of depression, yes I do.  Like I said its a process I now know how to fight and speak and continually speak.  Trust me there were days when that is ALL I did was speak the word to fight. Overall though I have been set free and I am so incredibly grateful for that freedom.

I totally didn't sit down to write about this today, I had something completely different in mind and yet here it is.  I know that many many people deal with depression and God wants you to know you are NOT ALONE, you will NEVER BE ALONE and most importantly you do not need to FIGHT this alone.  He is the perfect guide, the perfect healer and the perfect friend and He has the way to to see you through to your healing.

God is love and He loves you so!!!!

Dear Heavenly Father
I ask you to be with each and every individual that reads this and especially with those that are fighting this nasty thing called depression. I pray that you give them a sense of peace and a knowing that they can fight this with you as their guide, Lord I pray for all thoughts of the enemy to be gone in the name of Jesus. Lord fill them with your love and your desire to see them set free and help them to see themselves as your child, a gentle kind Father that would do anything for their child.  Help them to also realize that the price of depression was already paid on the cross by your son Jesus and it was never your will to see them suffer with this here on earth!
I pray all these things in the name of Jesus,
Amen

Some of the Scriptures that helped me on this journey

Deuteronomy 28:13
Jeremiah 29:11
Psalm 139:13
Isaiah 54:11-17
Matthew 6;26
Luke 11;11-13
Matthew 7:7
1 Corinthians 2:16
2 Corinthians 5;17
1 Peter 5:7
2 Corinthians 10:5
Proverbs 23:7

Being Defined
 
Being a people pleaser I want every one's opinion of me to be a good one and so sometimes I find myself running around trying to get everyone to 'like' me, as you probably know this doesn't come without a cost. 

I end up not being me.

I hide my true self and get myself to become the person they want me to be ,only to have them not like me in the end anyway. 

So what is the point right?!

This can become a tiring effort with feelings of loneliness and inadequacy and just simply feeling never good enough.

This can be a hard place to be.

An author of a book gets attached to their main character they build this character up to be so real that it he/she has quirks, strengths, weaknesses, the author is so convincing that you can actually believe this person is real.  Now would the author of this book go to someone else and say tell me about my main character and actually expect that person to know more than the author himself?! NO WAY  the author knows everything about the character he created. 

That is the same with Jesus,He is the author & creator of us. He knows everything about us, our strengths our weaknesses and all our quirks, our hidden secrets and the way we live our life out.  Don't you think He is incredibly frustrated when we let our friends, spouse, job or a complete stranger define us and live our life out in that definition that we've been given.

'FAILURE, FAT, STUPID, CLUMSY, WORTHLESS, NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING'.
Harsh cold definitions!!

There can also be good ones.
'PRETTY, FUNNY, CREATIVE, TALENTED, EXCELLENT COOK '. 

Thing is we were never meant for the good or the bad of what others think to define who we really are. We can get so busy fitting every one's definition of us that we forget to go to our creator and find our real and true identity.....

Psalm 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Jeremiah 29:11
¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

1Thessollonians 1:3

It is clear to us, friends, that God not only loves you very much but also has put his hand on you for something special.

John 3:16
 ^16-18"This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son.
Those are just a few thoughts of how the amazing author thinks of us.... YOU and ME!! He loves us so deeply and wants to know us so intimately so that we can know His love and be defined by His love.

Imagine for a moment that we could all grasp His love for us and walked around knowing that we are wonderfully made by the creator Himself.

I think this world would be a different place, not only would we see a change in the way people seek after fame but I think we would also see a change in the way people treat each other in every day life, coming in contact with strangers to friends a consistent peace in knowing who we are, not having to prove that we are worth something.

Knowing who we are allows us to be more of who we were created to be.
As only an author could define His characters let GOD define you today!!!
You won't be disappointed!  
You are not a mistake! 
You are here for such a time as this!

Ask Him,Pray and ask God to tell you what He loves about you, what He made uniquely you.....then Listen.

This I know for sure, He loves you and that will NEVER change!!!

The Importance of Digging Deep

This week has been tiring; a struggle to keep my mindset positive.  We are currently building a house ourselves, since ours sold quickly we have been living at my parents place...talk about going back in time.  That's a story for a different day. 
Back to our house build last week the excavator came and dug the hole for our future home. Then my hubby and I had framed out the footing all around so that it could be poured with concrete, we spent hours measuring and remeasuring my hubby spent hours digging. Then it rained.
Many sides of the dirt caved in and crushed and filled the footing.  To say it was frustrating is an understatement. 

We had to start digging out by shovel....

We spent many frustrating, tiring hours.

We spent days.

Often in silence.

As I literally had my hands in the clay God slowly began showing me the importance of a firm foundation. Believe me I didn't want to hear it! I wanted to blink and see it DONE but gently He showed me an important  message;
TAKE THE TIME . 
Take the time to build a firm foundation.
Take the time to remove the crumbly dirt and hit the hard clay. 
Take the time to take the extra measurements to make sure the foundation will be correct.

Through the frustration and at times anger I could see it, I could see the message plain as day;

The world always wants the 'quick' fix . Pray JESUS JESUS where are you when I need you ?! 
Not that He is not there, but again this is what He showed me,
Take the time to get to know Me, Jesus.
Take the time to study my Word, the Bible.
Take the time to pray, just talk to me. 
These are things make up a firm foundation.
We live in a world where at anytime the sides can come caving in.  Someone you trusted turns their back on you and spreads nasty things, a parent disowns you, a child walks away from Jesus, an illness, all these things can either cause one to fall apart or dig deep and stand on the firm foundation that is built over time by getting to know the one who absolutely loves you the most and that is Me,Jesus Christ.


Although all I really wanted WAS to take the 'quick fix' route and blink and see it all completed I know that the hours I spent there God was building something in me. A renewed sense of who He is and the importance of daily building on the foundation that He has promised to be if we only allow Him to be.

I know this is only the beginning of our build and I am sure I will learn a lot through the process. I know that no matter what whether its many ups or downs, He has a plan for this home.  Patience will become the key to seeing this process through yet I am excited to see what else He wants to teach me through this process.

God Bless!

"From the Darkness Shines A Light....."

Lately it seems that the pressures of the world having been pushing from all directions; a father in law diagnosed with cancer and undergoing treatment, a friend experiencing the loss of her dear brother far to early in life, another friend having her adoptive child being taken back by the birth parents, an attack on marriages all around and general struggles with various relationships.

Its easy to be overwhelmed with the pain, the hopelessness and the suffering and I admit there are times when I am just that, overwhelmed. I experience the pain so deeply that at times it feels my heart is literally breaking, its like I am getting a tiny tiny glimpse of the compassion God must feel towards those experiencing the direct affect of the hurt and suffering.  So how do I move forward amidst the heartbreak?!

I know I must and I will.

For God SO loved that He gave....He GAVE that is my answer. That is what I must do, I must give of myself, of what I have.  My time, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on,unconditional forgiveness whatever it takes to those hurting and also share the HOPE that can only be found in HIM.  He is only one who can truly soothe a broken heart and dry the tears of the mother aching to hold her child one more time or the pain and suffering that comes with cancer treatment or the separation that comes with strained relationships.  He IS the answer, He IS the reason I must move on and fill my life with HOPE once again.

After all in only takes a tiny light to bring light into the darkness, I pray that I may always have the light to carry. When I feel as though the light is dimming that courage and faith would come from a relationship with my Saviour Jesus Christ to fan the flame brighter and brighter.

I fail... I fail each and everyday. Whether it be as a mother, friend, daughter or wife in some way or another I fail but there is always HOPE.  Each and everyday is a new day to start again and I must do what I can to shine the light in the darkness.

I pray in some way, my prayers are making a difference to those hurting.

For now I ache with those hurting and know deep within that JOY comes in the morning!!

"I will remain confident in this I will see the goodness of the Lord, I put my hope in him, He is the EVERLASTING God " lyrics from Everlasting God

Decluttering

I have been on a rampage of sorts going from room to room getting rid of the junk, putting some stuff in storage and organizing the rest.  This has been somewhat of a liberating experience.

The reason why I am doing this is that we are thinking of selling our house, and in order to have anyone come through and have a look at our place we basically need to clear out the house and remove anything that is unpleasing to the eye.

As I have gone around decluttering I am realizing something else, there is a decluttering that needs to go on inside of me.  I know I have allowed 'stuff' in that isn't really helping me out in life.

Take for example all the images that we see on tv or magazines of the 'perfect' woman, well I have been doing way to much comparing lately of myself to those images and finding that I fall far to short and then in turn put myself down and make myself feel as though I don't measure up if I can't look like that. That insecurity can absolutely go into the bin labeled 'junk'.  I know that I will never be one of those women and I am unique and different and even though I can work on being a healthier version of me it is not something to be obsessed about and be my only goal in life.

Another example is fear, I have allowed fear to creep in.  This is so deadly; fear of the future, fear of lack, fear that my children won't turn out, fear that I am a horrible mother etc.  I could go on and on because quite frankly once fear is let in, it can be all consuming.  Fear is another one that will be tossed in the 'junk' bin.  I know that God is good and that He wants the best for me and even though I will go through trials and stuff along the way He will always be there beside me and there is nothing I should fear.

There I am walking through my house I have those gentle reminders of what I have let in, stuff that is now cluttering my thinking, my hopes and my dreams and they end up making me feel lonely and in despair.  I know that is not how God wants me to live my life, I know better than to let these things in and yet I get busy living life. I get busy and think I can go on a weekly or bi-weekly dose of God and His word instead of starting everyday with a good dose of Him. If only I allowed Him to wash me clean everyday and allowed Him daily to point out areas where I have let something in that shouldn't be there.  I am not perfect and I openly admit my laziness and busyness. That is how I end up here and know that without that daily dose of God life is not filled with the peace I long for.

So of I go to declutter my home in hopes of making it appealing to those who walk through the front doors. But first I need to go to THE ONE who knows me better than anyone else in this world and get a good decluttering on the inside so that what comes out of me can also but appealing and uplifting to those around me. I've already got a few bins full........

Have a great day everyone :) !

Take up Your Cross and Follow Me ~ Mark 8:34

Sounds intimidating doesn't it? Sounds somewhat scary to me knowing what the cross symbolizes, the ultimate sacrifice that was given for us, every single one of us.  So what does it really mean then? Are we to carry an actual cross? I have a few thoughts on this that I would love to share with you.

Think with me for a moment what it would be like to carry and actual cross on your back, my guess is it is extremely heavy with a rough wooden surface I know I would have to drag it because I couldn't possibly lift it off the ground.  Also if I was carrying a cross my thoughts probably wouldn't be anywhere else, I would be so consumed with thinking about how to carry it, making sure I don't drop it, probably really realizing how heavy it is. See a parallel here?

We live in a world where it is all about self and a focus that turns inward, there is very little room for thoughts about others let alone thoughts about God.  Every magazine shows us how to better our life, focusing mostly on the outside caring very little for what goes on on the inside.  Therefore the end result is many lonely, empty, unhappy people because we have believed this false hope that if we change what is on the outside we will feel better on the inside but no matter how many surgeries, pounds lost and new clothes bought it cannot ultimately change the inside.  Oh sure it can help what we 'feel' like temporarily but in the end that true sense of peace with oneself,  that alone comes from a relationship with the one who created us to be unique and special.  Does this mean that we shouldn't dress nice & take care of bodies? Absolutely we should, what I am saying is if it consumes our entire thought life and we become dependent on that for happiness, that is when it is a real concern.


Taking up the cross not only means that our focus should be on our Savior and His ways and what the word says, but the cross really symbolizes ultimate sacrifice.  In the same way we must ultimately sacrifice our selfishness for a higher purpose.  Turning our constantly streaming thoughts about ourselves into action for someone else.  Reaching out, offering hope and encouragement to others.  This will require sacrifice; a sacrifice of pride, sacrifice of time and at times a sacrifice financially.  Just as the sacrifice on the cross for each one of us gave us the reward of eternal life, there is a reward for our sacrifice as well, it may come in the form of peace, new friendships, hope for the future and so many other unique ways.

What I do know for sure is that God has called us to an intimate relationship with Him and that verse actually pictures it perfectly.  Following Him everyday,our thoughts turned to Him, focused on His goodness and His love.  At the same time with every step we take we are ready and willing to sacrifice, having a heart ready to listen and act.

Have I arrived yet? Absolutely not, I am ashamed to admit how much I turn my thoughts inward and yet I know that each and everyday my desire is to grow closer to this model as described in Mark 8, not the model on the cover of a magazine.  There will be times when I am carrying this cross that it may become heavy and I may need a rest, I may trip and fall but I know that no matter what there is one awesome, amazing God waiting to help me on this journey.  He makes the journey exciting, offers forgiveness, grace and a peace that passes all understanding.

Will you join me on this journey?

Have a great week everyone!!

Beside the Master

I hear a scratch at the door and see my puppy waiting at the door to be let outside, I open the door hook him up to his chain and let him out. I hear a bark a few minutes later and let him in again. A little while later I hear him by his water dish ding-ling for some water so I go over and give him some water.

Whatever my dog needs the only way he will get it is if I or someone else in my household hears him and we give him what he needs. Sure he could be out in the world alone and probably find some scraps for food and some puddles for water and maybe a corner somewhere for shelter but would that be the best place for him?

There are times when puppies run away and want the freedom the world has to offer and sadness overwhelms the family of the lost puppy, they post up signs asking for the return of the lost puppy, maybe even offering a reward. If the puppy comes back it is welcomed with open arms with joy and happiness, it doesn't get a beating or a stern talking to, the family is happy to receive it back into the safety of his home.

So much of life can be compared to the Masters plan for our life, guidelines set up not to hurt or harm us but to keep us safe because there is also an evil in this world. Just in the way I tether my dog to a chain when I let him out of the house, God wants for us to be tethered to Him as our guidance system through life. Beside the Master our needs are met we need to ask and believe, just as my pup in his own way asks for water or food and believes I will pull through for him , God is waiting for us to ask so that our needs are also met. When my pup is disobedient I discipline him and so does God as the perfect parent want us to have the best in life and we also need gentle reminders to apologize when we have done wrong or to stay away from certain situations, He offers gentle discipline to us his children.

Being beside Him every step of the way was the original plan for us but now the choice is ours.  We can decide to be like the puppy who wants to run away and find our own way, do whatever we want OR we can fully rely on the good Master to be with us every step of the way.  This is not an assurance of an easy life, I know I will still make mistakes,I will get hurt, I may still fall but the one thing I know for sure is that no matter what, I am not alone and in times when I need comfort, when I need a hand to reach out all I need to do is ask.  He is faithful, He is more than able. The Master is waiting to receive you with arms wide open!!

My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 4:19

What are your needs today?  ~ a gentle touch from someone who truly loves you?  freedom from hurt? healing in your body? a financial breakthrough?  feeling alone in the world?

He is ALWAYS there, waiting for you!! Will you reach out to Him today?
Come near to God and He will come near to you. James 4:8

God sent His son Jesus just for you to die on a cross for everything you've ever done and ever will do wrong and rose again so that you can spend eternity with Him.  No matter what you have done wrong he can forgive, His love is so strong~~ Will you trust Him today?

Tantrums

The angry feeling rises and then it begins; kicking, stomping of the feet, gritting of the teeth, tears and sometimes yelling, all signs of a two year old temper tantrum.  Now picture a 33 year old woman throwing a tantrum just like it.  Seems ridiculous doesn’t it?!?! The sad thing is it is possible and it has happened.

Yes this happened to me, not to long ago either while dealing with one of my children.  I had reached my limit and had enough and did not know how to ‘handle’ the situation any longer and I LOST it, completely freaked out and went into a tantrum and immediately after started heave sobbing and coming way to close to hyper ventilating.  I could not and did not see a way out.  It was a moment of complete loss of self-control.  And yes unfortunately there were witnesses, two of my children stood by and watched this unfold.

As I lay there on my bed crying my eyes out, not knowing what to do next with this child of mine, feeling completely alone and hopeless with the weight of the world on my shoulders, yet inwardly begging for forgiveness for what I had done I heard that still, small voice, the conversation went like this.....

‘It is time, it is time to let go, for too long now you have been trying to parent on your own, for too long you have been doing this on your own strength.’ 

I just listened

‘I made your child, I know your child, do you trust me? I know the way he needs to be parented.’ 

“I am sorry God, so sorry.” I said through the sobs

‘Its okay my child, you are forgiven, go make it right with your children.’

“I will God, I will.”

 ‘Then every morning before you rise out of bed I want you to come to me, ask for my help, ask me how to parent your children and then be ready to listen and act on it.’ 

“Okay I will.”

For so long prior to this tantrum the heaviness weighed on my shoulders, pulling me down, not knowing how to parent this child,people getting on my case for being to hard on this child while seemingly not trying to understand. I was getting really close to giving up and in this moment of complete weakness which was meant for bad was turned around for the good only by the grace of God. 

It made me humble myself so completely.  I prayed with each child, I asked them each individually for forgiveness.  Together we prayed and asked for a way to get through this, together we made things right again. Through it all God was so faithful to show me the individual way this had hurt each child so when I talked with them I could ask for forgiveness for the way it had hurt their little heart and this then opened up the conversation for ways to prevent this from happening in their own life. What they saw was a definite loss of self control and realized that their mom is flawed, but they also saw the redemptive power of Gods love and His forgiveness. 

As soon as I asked for forgiveness the enemy did his best to fill me with condemnation and guilt and although it was tempting to linger on the guilt a while I knew in my heart what the word says about there being no condemnation in Christ Jesus and His forgiveness set me free from the guilt.  I can move forward knowing that things have been made right between me and God and between me and my children.

After things calmed down God showed me that this is just one way depression so easily wraps people up. They are carrying a world of problems on their shoulders and along with the problems they carry guilt and condemnation.  Each day that weight becomes heavier and heavier till they feel so weighed down they find it difficult to cope with even the little things. Instead of every minute, every hour and every day laying that burden at the foot of Jesus they are doing all the carrying, which they were never meant to do.  I myself have travelled that lonely road of depression and I know that as children of the most high we are not meant and were never meant to walk that road.

So would you please join me today?  Lay down that burden of being the perfect parent and doing it on your own strength. Lay down the guilt of having made mistakes. Now is the time to move forward with God at your side EVERY step of the way.  He knows your child you are having difficulty with, he knows that spouse that confuses you, he knows your struggles, allow Him to give you the direction you need today and stop trying to do it all on your own.

Although I can recall that tantrum with great embarrassment I know that by being real with you today it will give some of you the freedom to know that you are not alone, there are more moms out there that make mistakes and although I am not justifying my actions ,because I am not, I am letting you know that you are normal!

The difference for you can be RUN to God before you ‘lose-it’ and He is MORE than able to help you out.

Matthew 11:28 Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest.

Romans 8:1 Therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

2Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

I would love to pray and believe with you for complete healing in the area of depression, if that is what you are facing today, please send me a message privately or post in the comment section and I will be praying for you.

The Power of a Cheering Squad

Wow its been a while since I posted, busy mom stuff, life in general, and a lot of taking kids to soccer practice and games.  That is how this post came about. Sitting at a soccer game the other day as I was watching my oldest son Noah play I noticed the amount of cheering going on, parents cheering on their kids, siblings cheering on siblings, omas cheering for their grand kids(loudly I might add), team-mates ......well you get the point.  I noticed something in that moment, the team thrived when they heard the cheering, they got an extra bit of energy to push and see the play through.

Then today as I was standing at Noah's track meet and all the kids were competing the cheering was amazing, quite loud actually it was awesome.  Noah even commented, ' the best event to take part in is the relay at the end of the day, because the whole school is cheering for you.'

Something struck me again at that moment, the kids swelled with pride and did not want to disappoint.  Got me thinking to life, how many of us could use someone to cheer us along.  Pick us up when we fall and give us words of encouragement no matter what the circumstance.  Saying things like 'Keep on going, you can do it, don't give up, you are almost there, your team is with you'. If you happen to score a goal ,'yeah I knew you could do it' and then they celebrate with you.  

I think deep inside each and everyone of us is a desire to be cheered on, a desire to know that someone is standing with us, willing to go along side us and cheer us on through the good plays in life and the plays in life where we fall and may even hurt ourselves.  Everyone young and old wants to go this journey of life with companions especially positive companions.

There are also the people that sit on the sidelines jeer and poke, making negative comments consistently and never encourage the good plays. In our culture I think that those voices speak loud enough, we don't need anymore negative reinforcement!!

I can't help but think how many kids would have improved behavior if the parents were their biggest fans? How many teens would stay away from the temptations of drugs and alcohol?  How many marriages could be saved?  How many seniors could walk around with a joyful smile on their face?  IF only....if only someone would come along side them and cheer them on and help them through the good and bad times of life telling them with words and showing them with actions that THEY ARE NOT ALONE.

I get that just the cheering may not change the circumstance but with God and a great positive cheering section I think that this world could see a whole lot of change.  This takes action, not thinking about yourself and making movement to come alongside someone in need and cheer, cheer your heart out, loudly letting them know that no matter what they have someone there beside them.


Who are you going to cheer for today, and will they know that you are on their side??

Makes My Eyes Water....

These were the words I heard from my son as he shared with me how on his walk home from school he shared Jesus with some friends.  These friends asked questions and he answered as best as he could.  He shared how they talked about heaven and about Jesus and how He loves us all, this was the point where I could see his eyes well up and he stopped and said 'talking about this is making my eyes water'.

At this point so were mine.  My heart swelled not only with pride but also with a deep sense of knowing that this kid will be okay in life.  See I have been hard on him about who he chooses as friends and making good choices, being sure that he wouldn't have bad influences in his life never really realizing that HE could be the influence, a good one.  At age nine he has an incredible heart for those that don't know Jesus and I actually never thought (I will admit guilt here) that he would openly share his beliefs with those kids, yet here he was standing before me eyes watering telling me how he did in fact have the boldness to do just that. 

He was visibly moved, his heart so tender, his desire so strong that these kids know the love of Jesus.  He wants so badly for them to have a relationship with the Jesus he knows, he has invited them out to church.
I am in awe of my son and his guts to step out of his comfort zone and take the risk of appearing 'uncool' to share what he believes.  I far to often fall into the trap of keeping to myself for fear of what others may think of me.

As I sat there listening to my son I was being taught a valuable lesson, God's love is to be shared with everyone and our hearts need to be sensitive to the voice of God when He is leading us to share His love with someone else, push aside the fear and step out of our comfort zone.

It still brings tears to my eyes when I think about this chat, I am so thankful that I am able to learn from people young and old.  I pray that I am always open to these lessons and then have the boldness to live it out!!

Expectation

Today as I was drinking my Tim Horton's Coffee I had an interesting revelation. For those of you that don't live in Canada, Tim Horton's is a popular brand of coffee and a hot spot for coffee lovers. Every year they have a roll up the rim promotion where you actually roll up the rim of the paper coffee cup to reveal a prize. You can win anything from a free cup or coffee to a new car.
As I was enjoying a coffee and anticipating a win at the end of my delicious cup I was reminded of Gods love. Interesting?! Yes interesting that I would think of God's love while drinking in a cup of goodness.
It wasn't so much His love but expectation of His love revealed in the day to day.
See here I was anticipating finishing this cup of coffee and rolling up the rim to find that I, in the very least, won a free cup of coffee. I got thinking about Gods goodness and His very nature and how we should be waking up each and every morning in anticipation of His love and the God that we serve revealing himself to us in an intimate and personal way.
Yet most people are content to enjoy the cup of ground goodness and forget to roll up the rim, so to speak.
God wants us to awake each and every morning in anticipation of things to come, His goodness revealed through and in our lives and at the very least his JOY and PEACE that passes all understanding.
Imagine for a moment what our lives could be like if we awoke each morning in anticipation of things to come instead of dread and weariness and being content to just finish the cup?! Let's roll up the rim to see what HE has in store for us today!!
Tomorrow and everyday there after I want to wake up with the expectation that God has GOOD things in store for me, that I can make a difference where I am at, that my life does matter!!
Anybody else with me!?!

John 10:10 A thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. But I came so that they may have life and life in abundance.

JUST ENOUGH

The other day upon closer inspection of my underwear as I was 'wasting' some time I noticed the fabric contents and it stated there was 7% spandex and 93%nylon. Really of no significance at all until it dawned on me, hey I need the 7% spandex in the fabric so that my underwear stays on my body otherwise there would be some serious issues with this pair of undies.

As I was thinking more about this I thought , how strange that you only need a little bit of something for it to go a long way. Then I thought about my life and about how much time I am giving to the things around me, am I only giving just enough, the 7% required in order for it to 'stick' with me?

Brings me to my relationship with God, He in fact wants all of me, not just a percentage and how often do I say to Him, 'sorry I only got 10% that you can have today, maybe tomorrow will be a better day'. When He in fact in His still quiet voice is saying, give me your all and only then will you find the peace and happiness that you are longing for.

Often I think I can do everything on my own and when I become desperate only then do I reach out for help and give Him what is left instead of going to Him in the beginning and leaving ALL my cares and concerns at His capable feet and then rest in His loving arms. I so long to give God all my 100% knowing I won't lack in any area because I know that He cares for me and He truly wants the best for me.(Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, they are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope.)

So today as I go about my day I want to remember to daily surrender my all to Him and not just enough'.... and to think these thoughts all started with a pair of pink undies.

God you are so good and faithful to reveal yourself even in the small things, today I am grateful for your love, your blessings and the peace that you offer me when I surrender my all to you.

Decisions

How many of you out there are like me, you love to make decisions when they are easy, when they require little or no sacrifice? It's the decisions that require me to move out of my comfort zone into the unknown that are decisions that I may shrink away from.

What if this decision you know is the right one ,does it make it any easier?

In my case I don't think those decisions are necessarily 'easy' ones. For me the decisions that I know are right and require sacrifice are the tough ones. An important decision that will leave me without doing so much of what I want to do, that requires I have to give something up, is tough...seems selfish? It is selfish yes.

In one particular decision I am making there will be sacrifice, and yet I know there will also be reward. There will be a full reliance upon God, which is a good thing, and I know that He can do more than I can even ASK, THINK or IMAGINE(Eph 3:20).....isn't that incredible? Even though my flesh may not be in agreement my spirit is at peace. That is how I know the decision is the right one, however tough it may be.

Decisions are the crossroads in life, where there can be incredible growth, depth of insight and learning. Even though they may not be easy and require sacrifice on my part I believe that as long as I follow the peace of God in my decisions I am making the right ones.

Thank-you God today for being with me when I am making important decisions, it is only with you and through you that I know life is worth living. You alone can bring a peace that passes all understanding and today I trust and fully rely on you that you work all things for the good of those that love you. Praising you today Father ~ yours always ME




The doors we open and close everyday decide the lives we live. Flora Whittemore

Goodbye

Last Sunday Conrad's grandfather went to be with Jesus at the age of 91. He lived a good long life and has such a legacy he is leaving behind with 10 children, 43 grandchildren and 55 great-grandchildren. He was a good man and we are happy that he is healthy and whole now in heaven.

I wanted to share this poem, it was found among his personal belongings in his handwriting and it was shared at the funeral :

T'will not matter not if cherished friends
On whom I leaned in vain
Have wounded me by word or deed
And left me with great pain
What matters is can I forgive again and yet again?
It's not "Have they been true?"
But " Lord, have I been true to them?"

T'will matter not when evening comes
How rough the road I've trod
If only I have walked with Him
And led some soul to God
For when I wake to be like Him

Who saved me by His grace
Earth's pain will vanish when I catch
One glimpse of His dear face.

Goodbye Grandpa, we know we will see you again :)

Season of Change

Its not even spring or even close for that matter and yet I feel a season of change sweeping across the corners of my heart. I have realized without a doubt that whatever I focus on takes over my vision and whether it is good or bad it is the direction that I go.

I found myself heading in a bad direction with bad focus and was amazed at how easily my thoughts could turn from hopes and dreams of the future to an unbelievable sense that I had lost all faith in humanity and I have to say, what a scary place to be. In that dark moment that lasted an entire afternoon and moments in between days , God revealed himself to me in ways that were so powerful that I wanted to weep.

What was it that caused me such pain you may ask? It was a general sense that the world around me had lost all respect for themselves, each other and respect for marriages was out the window. It was an afternoon were low self worth and self-doubt made an ugly appearance. You see all around me there were women who were scantily clad to say the least, lets just say they left nothing to the imagination, there was heavy silicone involved and they all had bodies that had jumped out of the pages of magazines to inappropriate to look at.

Here I was walking around a tropical paradise and at every turn was another one of 'these women', and the thoughts that echoed in my head were disturbing....'how can you ever compete with that? Go on Louise, just give up already you are worthless, you are fat and ugly.' Thoughts I had long ago banished had appeared and were screaming for my attention. IT WAS HORRIBLE.
I am embarrassed to say that I allowed myself to linger upon those thoughts and actually for a moment had myself believing them. For that selfish moment it was all about the outward appearance for me and I had a hard time realizing that that is just a small part of the real true person.

In that moment I managed to pause and pray and ask God to help me get through this time and give me a glimpse of His hope and a glimpse of what He sees in me. I prayed, He answered...In that day alone I had a few random strangers stop and tell me how beautiful they thought I was, I had a friend offer kind words of encouragement, I had an elderly man tell my husband to make sure he takes good care of me, I had my husband put his arm around me and gaze lovingly into my eyes and tell me I was beautiful.

Then the moment that brought the most tears to my eyes, it was as if God orchestrated this moment perfectly, at dinner time we were seated by an elderly couple who were celebrating their anniversary of about 60 years. As I watched the waiters were singing them a love song they lovingly gazed into each others eyes and shared a moment with each other that could be felt across the room, gazes so loving that it was the perfect picture of love the way God intended it to be between a man and a woman. In that moment it wasn't about whether or not she had the perfect body, it wasn't about catching the gaze of every man in the room, it was about the memories and the sands of time that had created a love and a bond so powerful between these two that even though outward appearances had faded to beautiful wrinkles they saw beyond that to the core of each other and all that they had been through and looked as though they would rather be there together than any other place in the world.

In the recesses of my heart hope flickered again, God blew upon that flicker and allowed the flame to be restored in humanity and the love that is meant to be shared between a husband and a wife. The world has so many temptations around every bend, for man or woman, and yet if our focus remains on God our future can be so filled with hope and light that the temptation is a darkness we are not even tempted to enter.

I am so thankful to have a savior who cares enough for me to shine a light so bright that darkness doesn't stand a chance.

So what is the season of change for me? It is season of hope for the future and a constant reminder to consistently focus on that which is good and pure and crowd out the garbage that vies for my attention.

Philippians 4:8

^8-9Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

Are you listening to me?

Walking through the mall in the busyness of the season I had an aha moment, a father with two young girls was walking by and I happened to overhear their conversation it went something like this :
Girl 1 - Dad she pushed me first
Girl 2- yeah well you shouldn't walk in front of me
Dad- girls is it not nice to treat each other like that, does that mean if someone pushes you you should push them back?!

At this point they got out of earshot and I thought I shouldn't follow them to find out what they said, might of been a bit creepy.

This conversation allowed me as a mom to breathe a sigh of relief, sometimes I feel like I am the only one who is constantly reminding my children to be kind, be nice, talk nice ....every where we go. It feels at times like I am a broken record and that I am constantly on their case.

As I was thinking about this I was gently reminded that God is constantly doing the same thing through His Holy Spirit, constantly sending gentle reminders to be kind to that person who has nothing, to speak softly to that child when I get angry, to love without conditions, to continue to pursue Him without ceasing. Imagine how frustrated He could become with me when I don't listen the first time and do things my own way thinking that I can do it better and yet He continues to gently remind me of a better way, His way.

This was my aha moment, as much as I want what is best for my children and I constantly find myself reminding them so that they can turn out as positive adults, how much more does God love them and me? How much more does He also want His best for us?

Thank-you Lord for your gentle reminders, help me to listen more and act on what you have asked me to do.

Simple Thankfulness

Today as I was tidying my kitchen I emptied a box of apples into my fruit bowl when I had a memory flashback. It was this, a while back my mom shared part of her childhood memories with me, memories of life at home as the oldest sister learning to bake bread at age 5, helping to run the entire household at age 10 with 9 siblings to help care for. She shared at one point that through this all she dreamed of someday having a home and a family of her own and along with those one of her biggest wishes was to own a fridge with a drawer filled with apples. APPLES? I asked her, to which she replied yes it was a huge treat to get one apple a year as a Christmas gift so to her having a drawer full of them in her mind was the epitome of dream come true because that meant that life would be going really well to afford that.

So as I stood there cleaning my counters and placing the apples into the bowl I couldn't help but think about how far my parents have come, not only does she now have a fridge with much more in it than apples but she cares for her family in such a way that we always know that we are loved, she makes meals that are out of this world,my mom along with my dad have afforded us so many extra luxuries growing up.

In this season of 'accumulation of more stuff' I need to remind myself that a long time a long time ago my mom dreamed of a time where she could have unlimited apples and now I, her daughter, takes that so for-granted.

I am so thankful to God for opening up my eyes during times where I need a gentle reminder of the blessings that surround me each and everyday.

So today I say thanks for a bowl of apples.

Fear and Faith

Fear has a way of creeping in, little by little with many varying thoughts ; she looked at me strangely she must have a negative impression of me, what if I never accomplish what I want to accomplish, what if my kids are rebellious, what if people make fun of me, getting up to high off the ground will cause me to freak out, I am afraid of rejection etc. add your own in their and basically it is common human everyday behavior. In fact couldn't gossip even be looked at as fear, fear that our life isn't 'good-enough' so we need to make someone else look bad so that we can think that our life is better. Fear seems to be so common place in everyday life and readily accepted, it is not uncommon to hear people on a regular basis speak fear-filled words and we don't even think twice about it.

Can the same be said for faith-filled words? In my opinion no probably not, it seems that faith-filled words these days spoken out loud seem to be looked at as kookey or 'super-spiritual' or simply not the norm. When someone speaks positive faith-filled words it tends to be viewed as unrealistic. The lean towards the negative fear aspect of things is so strong that it is sometimes easier to stay in fear than push back with faith.

I heard a quote recently that brought these two words together in a way that made perfect sense to me, it clicked, and these words were ~ Fear and Faith both ask you to believe in that which is unseen. That really got me thinking about my own life, what am I believing in the most; the voice of fear that always tells me that I'm never good enough, that I am so afraid of the 'what ifs' in life that I will never take the step over the fear, or am I listening to the voice of Faith that tells me that ALL things are possible, that no matter what the obstacles may be there will be a pathway out.

Is the road of fear sometimes the easier route? Possibly yes but it is not the route that will bring true happiness and contentment in life. Living by faith means taking the risk to face the fear no matter what our feelings may be. Turning down the voice of fear for me means constantly reminding myself to turn up the voice of faith so that the voice of faith is so loud the voice of fear is but a distant rumble.

That is my goal on this journey through life and although I may not always win against fear I will do my best and know that I am not perfect and where I fall short God is there through it all to help me, walk beside me and guide me because through Him ALL things truly are possible!!!

2Timothy 1:7 ~ God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.

There is a Cookie......

There is a cookie calling my name. It sits on the counter all covered in sweet sprinkled icing shouting 'Louise come and get me'....' I am yummy'.....'you know you want to' ....'I taste so yummy with a tall glass of milk' ....and so the voice rings on, twice today I have answered that call and yet it continues to call to me.

Before you get all worried that I am truly hearing voices in my head, I'm not, I speak of the hold that those cookies seem to have on me every time I pass them. Generally when I make cookies I have no problem passing them by, not giving them a second thought, but these, these are different.

These are "Grandma's Cookies" and it was my first attempt at making them, they aren't as melt in my mouth yummy as my mom's version but none the less they are TASTY.....SO I decided to share this lip smacking recipe with you all. ENJOY but be careful, they will start calling your name too ;) I will now try very hard to avoid them at least till Friday ;)

Mom's Recipe Shhhhhhh

2 cups sugar
2 cups sourcream or liquid whip cream
1 tsp. vanilla
2 eggs
1/4 tsp salt
3 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
4 cups flour - add more to make a soft dough not overly sticky

- refrigerate a fews hours or overnight
- either roll out approx. 1/2 inch thick and cut into circles or scoop out and roll into balls and flatten

- Bake at 350 for 10-12 minutes

Make your favorite icing ( I use the one on the icing sugar bag) and spread on cookie. Cookie gets softer when stored in container, they also freeze well!

ENJOY :) !!

Time Goes By...

It is hard to believe that in just over a month we will be celebrating Christmas. We are having unseasonably high temperatures and there is no snow on the ground, to say that it doesn't feel like the Christmas season is an understatement. At a time when malls are usually buzzing and Christmas music is playing there is strange silence.

This year has been a strange one for me usually when someone asks what I would like for Christmas I pull out a list the size of a scroll and could rattle of 100 things that I would find desirable, this year I really don't have a clue in terms of material gifts.

I do know that I desire wholeness, peace and love in my relationships. Unity that extends beyond appearances but affects change in my heart. To see people around me succeed at life, living their life to the full potential and growing into the people that God has created them to be.

Looking back over the past year it has been a good one, many unique experiences and many days that are everyday normal kind of days, that I love, knowing I am blessed to have the humdrum experience of routine.

I just pray that as Christmas rolls closer with each day that I gain a new perspective of what it means to celebrate this season, the reason that I hold it dear and hope that the feeling of Christmas will envelope myself and my loved ones with a knowing of something bigger something more dear than simply a time to get more stuff. I don't mind the stuff because I am a gifts person but I really want it to go further than that for me.

This past weekend we set up our tree, it was a lot of fun. I love our eclectic Christmas tree with all the random ornaments every year it becomes more exciting with the kids.

I hope you all are enjoying this season and for those of you to the south,

Happy Thanksgiving!